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Coaching at End of Life

Learn A Coach Approach to Being With the Dying and the Grieving

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  • Home
  • About
    • What is End of Life Coaching?
    • About Don
    • Living Losses
    • A Healthy Grief Mindset
    • Directory of Certified Grief & End of Life Coaches
    • Privacy Policy
    • Contact
  • ICF Level Two Certification
    • Training Description and List of Classes
    • Dates/Times & Registration
    • Pricing and Payment Options
    • A Guide for Students
    • Requirements for Graduation
    • Mentor Coaching
    • End of Life Coach Training Faculty
  • Supplemental Programs
    • End of Life Coach Training for Experienced Coaches
    • ACC Credentialing Pathway (Level One)
    • Coach Yourself Through Grief: Applying Coaching Principles to Your Grief Journey
    • A Coach Approach to Ministering to the Dying and the Grieving
    • Introduction to Coaching at End of Life
    • Mentor Coaching
    • Support for those who are grieving
  • Coaching
    • Coach With Don
    • Directory of Certified Grief & End of Life Coaches
    • Coaching for Funeral Directors
  • Bookstore
    • Overview
    • Coaching at End of Life
    • Life Lessons from Dragonflies
    • Coach Yourself Through Grief
    • Finding Beauty in the Crevices of Pain
    • Ministry 3.0
    • Dying To Live
    • Orientación en la Etapa Final de la Vida – El Libro
    • Instrúyase a través del Dolor – El Libro
    • Book Bundles

A Healthy Grief Mindset

We are not only experiencing the Covid-19 pandemic. We are experiencing a grief pandemic – a global outbreak of grief. We have all experienced loss and continue to do so on a regular basis.

The way we will face this grief depends in large part on our mindset – our way of thinking. A mindset arises out of a person’s worldview or philosophy of life; likewise, a grief mindset arises out of our view or philosophy of grief. Church leaders not only care for themselves by tending a healthy grief mindset, but can learn to coach others into one as well.

What is your mindset concerning grief?

When asking that question, the answers I often receive are,

“Don’t even talk about that.  It’s not something I even want to think about.”

“Grief is the worst thing one can experience.”

“Grief is something people need to ‘get over’ as soon as possible.”

In contrast to the typical responses I hear, allow me to suggest 8 core elements of a healthy grief mindset.

  • Acknowledge that loss is an inevitable reality

There is no one who escapes the experience of loss. From the moment we are born, our lives include losses. We are nursed by our mothers and then we are weaned. We attach to our families and then we must detach to go to school. Pets die. Relationships are broken. Parents divorce. Loved ones die. We lose jobs.  Covid-19 is unleashed. Although most losses surprise us, it is not a surprise that there are losses. Loss is an inevitable reality of life on this earth.

  • Understand that grief hurts

Because we do not talk much about grief, most people do not realize how painful it can be – physically, emotionally, spiritually – in every way. Embodying a healthy grief mindset means understanding this reality. Then one will not be shocked by extreme hurt. It is expected as the norm.

  • Give yourself permission to be raw and real

The best thing one can do when experiencing the pain of grief is to express it – to let it out. Some common ways of expressing grief are crying, talking about our loved ones who have died, or describing the “living losses” we experience as a result of the pandemic. Yet many feel embarrassed to express their grief in this way.  They feel it is not proper, or not the “Christian” thing to do. Embodying this grief mindset means giving ourselves permission to be ourselves. It means being raw and real. It means not hiding what we are feeling or experiencing, but rather sharing without self-censorship.

  • Seek continually the “safe” places where you are always welcome

In order to be raw and real and to share without self-censorship, one must find  safe places to do so. This can include “safe” people, meaning people who let us share without telling us to stop, trying to fix us, or trying to make us feel better by shutting down our feelings. It also includes “safe” places: churches, hobby groups, work environments, family units, etc. One must continually seek out and find those safe people and safe places. Most of us are surprised to discover those who truly are “safe” and those who are not.

  • Engage regularly in “end of life” conversations

Unfortunately, having preemptive conversations about the end of life is not very common. In many circles, it is taboo. Many of us don’t like to talk about the fact that we will all die. Thus we avoid talking about grief, and the effects of loss in our everyday lives. The reality, however, is that it is healthy to talk about such topics. Being reminded that we will all die enables us to live more fully. Relationships can be stronger and more intimate when end of life conversations are the norm. Embodying a healthy grief mindset means engaging regularly in these conversations, and knowing it is healthy to do so. It includes having these conversations whenever the opportunity arises, whether in the home, in the workplace, or in the faith community. Adults and children, couples and groups will all benefit from these conversations.

  • Develop communal support

Everyone must grieve their own losses. Mourning is not something that anyone else can do for you. Yet being surrounded by others who are also grieving a loss can be a great source of comfort. Listening to others share their stories reminds us that we are not alone. Doing so alerts us to the fact that what we are experiencing is not unique. Being with others who have experienced loss provides an outlet for mourning and for sharing our personal stories. Grief groups are an invaluable gift for many in grief. The comment I hear over and over from people experiencing loss is, “I would not have made it if it wasn’t for my grief group.” Embodying a grief mindset means developing that communal support, so when it is needed, we know where to turn.

  • Continue to do your own work

Grief is not something that we get over – nor is it something that ends. I have no doubt that long after this Covid-19 pandemic is over, many will continue to grieve the losses that have occurred during this time. Even when we are living life fully, and finding a regular smile on our face, there are many things that can stir up our sense of loss. In a moment we can find ourselves crying, or feeling really sad and alone. Experiencing another loss can bring up past losses. Being with someone else who is grieving can stir up our loss. A smell, a familiar place, a song, a favorite food, a holiday or special day, and many other things can stir up our feelings of grief. It is wise to not to be caught off guard when that occurs. Embodying a grief mindset means that we are continually in the process of doing our own work concerning our grief.

  • See grief as an opportunity

Rarely does one choose to experience loss. Grief, to most people, is an inevitable, unwelcomed reality. Yet the fact remains, grief is most often a source of incredible growth for people. It provides opportunities that can be found nowhere else – personally, relationally, spiritually, and financially. Some grieving people learn how to do things they could never do before. Others find themselves caring for other grieving people, using what they learned from their own experience. Many find that life is now fuller and richer, because of the new mindset they have adopted. Even given the growth, most would choose to have their loved one still with them, if they had the choice. But the opportunities for growth and enhancement are there nonetheless. Seeing grief as an opportunity is the final part of embodying a grief mindset. It is the part that gives us hope.

 

Reviewing these 8 core thoughts, how healthy is your grief mindset?

Last year the International Coaching Federation updated their Core Competencies, including adding a new competency, “Embodies a Coaching Mindset.”  This was the inspiration for this post.

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Testimonials (Scrolling up)


“Don’s end-of-life coach training is an absolute life-changing program. On my first day of class with him, I brought zero coaching experience to the table, but carried a ton of grief on my shoulders. By the end of Don’s program, he not only molded me into a professional coach, but he also helped me cope with the pain of my own tragic loss. His wisdom, his compassion, and his unwavering effort to prepare his students for the coaching field are what make Don an exceptional educator and mentor.

Thank you, Don, for being you and for doing what you do. You’ve made me a better man!”

-Andy Karam

 

“The grief and end of life coaching program is amazing.

Don has done a wonderful job putting it all together. It begins with the basics of coaching till you accomplish competency in life, grief, and end of life coaching.

I have done several ICF accredited programs prior to this one, but never gained the confidence in my coaching skills. With this program, and Don’s help, I became the coach that I was striving for.

Thank you Don!”

-Dr. Lina Al-Aswad

 

“I always felt like something was missing in the previous coach training courses I took until I found Don’s Coaching at End of Life program. Don is masterful as both a coach and a trainer and does a exceptionally thorough job of equipping coaches at the highest professional level. His training style is one of a kind and I highly recommend this coach training program.”

Ali Kennedy

 

“Grateful for Dr. Don and his life-changing work and mentorship through his End of Life Coaching Program. He made learning about coaching and the topic of life, grief and end of life, transformative for us as his mentees, which in turn provides a profound impact on the people that we coach. I highly recommend him as a coach and mentor, and his programs.”

JM dela Rama

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Contact

Dr. Don Eisenhauer, MCC
Coaching at End of Life LLC
Email: don@coachingatendoflife.com
Phone: 484-948-1894

Finding Beauty in the Crevices of Pain

A Passage Through Grief and Widowhood

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